What a great time to be an American!

I should have figured I was on to something back in the spring of 2004. Prof. Hettler popped us a quiz in Macro, and me, being completely unprepared did nothing but write "Laissez-faire" in giant capital letters across the five question exam. He gave me a 2 out of 5, which wasn't bad. At least I showed some effort.

Turns out my foresight was top notch. Here we are in the most dire financial situation in generations and Laissez-faire is a main point of contention. The infamous label of American greed finally hit its peak. Normal Americans stretched their limits to live in the nicest neighborhoods. Corporate executives welcomed this hubris with open arms. Henry Paulson's face is beginning to have the look of one of those rotted jack-o-laterns you see sitting on a porch two weeks after all the candy has been passed out.

My peers and I are educated. We are intelligent, fairly successful for our age, nice looking and most of all, really fucking pissed. Too bad if we wanted to enjoy our twenties, and don't even talk about buying a house. Like that's going to happen.

Right now I'm watching last night's Daily Show and there's Bill Clinton doing his Bill Clinton thing and making me fully confident he could rescue us from this abyss in like ten minutes. But seriously, what is going to happen? George W says $700 billion of tax payer money will do the trick. Yea, that'll be good.

My education on the crisis is rather broad, I understand the premise and what happened to cause this shit show, but where do we go from here? Hell, this thing is so messed up I actually just enjoyed watching Jon Stewart. I even laughed a few times.

The shameful thing about it, is that I have absolutely zero faith in anybody charged to fix this. Who is going to help? George Bush. Henry Paulson. Ben Bernancke. President Bush is about to speak in a few minutes. Just what this douchebag needs three months before the end of his tenure. A massive financial crisis. I'm just wondering who Bush will wage war on this evening, some country somewhere has to be at fault for this, right?

I have no idea. This is about the time where Americans unite. After an emotionally charged primary season followed by an even more emotionally charged election campaign, the two sides have agreed to come together and try to solve the equation. Unfortunately, Americans uniting generally has one main ally. Someone to lead them. Who will lead us now? A Wall Street executive who spent billions getting us into this mess? I hope not.

My gut hates when I'm cynical. Cynical citizens are some of my least favorite. There's no benefit to cynicism and some always leads to more. The past few years have flown by. My support for our troops is endless, I even gave a benefit of doubt to the war in Iraq, however misguided it might be (maybe it isn't, who knows...that's not my point).

A fear of mine is that America has finally reached the precipice that's been predicted for years. There's never been a doubt in my mind that we wouldn't be saved. But it could be different this time.

In the meantime, I'm gonna try to get that quiz re-graded.

Blah, Blah, Gas Prices, Blah

By even acknowledging the proceeding subject goes a ways to play into the proverbial hands I'm about to slap, but my frustration is peaked. I'm sick and tired of hearing about gas prices. Yes, the title quotes my girl Rihanna's latest hit, but unlike her mind-grabbing tunes, the continuous exposure of our nation's oil problem is not nearly as catchy as one of her Top-40 mixes.

You see, to complain about a gas price is like beating your child for dropping a plate of spaghetti: There's nothing you can do about it. That's why I flinch each time a co-worker or passerby pontificates the evils of an oil corporation or political stance.

On the NBC Nightly News tonight, Brian Williams pulled out the trusty old 'email bag' and began reciting lines from viewer emails. There was nothing special about the emailers, just your typical Kenny Midwest or Vanessa Down South. The thesis statement of each note was, you guessed it, 'feel bad for us because we have to pay for gas.'

To paraphrase a couple of the entries: (please note I'm not making up these lines)

"This summer will be different than most. Instead of grilling steaks and racks of ribs, we have to settle for regular hamburgers and hot dogs."

"Typically, we go to the beach for a week. This year, we will have to drive to the nearest beach in the morning and drive back the same day."

"We're going to have to rent movies on cable instead of going to the theaters."

At that point, I couldn't bear the sob stories any longer. My mind was rife with pessimism and sympathy.

Give me a break. Hamburgers and hot dogs instead of steak and ribs? What a shame. A day beach trip instead of a whole week? Get me the Kleenex. Pay per view movies instead of a night at the Cineplex? Quick Molly, get me the revolver. We can't live like this any longer.

The audacity of these people to send these comments as if they have some sort of legitimate plight. Furthermore, a double minus goes to Brian Williams. Isn't he supposed to be reporting actual news, not regurgitating tales of woe from Josh and Annie from Greenville, South Carolina?

By no means have I always been the most sympathetic person - many times I think people in a bad situation don't do enough to remove themselves from their problems - but on the same token, there are people out there who have bigger problems than having to go to the beach for just one day instead of five. Some folks can't have the electricity required to make the begrudging choice to stay at home on a Friday night and watch There Will be Blood.

Sure, anyone would rather have steaks and ribs than hamburgers or hot dogs, but if you can't, so what? I've never seen a more American problem than to make the hard decision of cutting off one luxury item to move down a rung to a less expensive luxury item.

To quote the immortal Curb episode "The Survivor," when a former Survivor (TV) contestant was arguing with another former Survivor (The Holocaust), "Have you ever seen our show? You never have anything to eat and someones always trying to back stab you." 'Have you seen our show? It was called...THE HOLOCAUST!!!!!!"

For all of the complaining and squabbling people are doing over the cost of a gallon of gas, no one seems to do anything to even improve their situation a little bit. Well, aside of course from eating burgers instead of rib eyes.

Rather than complaining, why not save $1500 and buy a small car for your commute to work? Some of you need a truck for your job? That's not anyone else's problem, so please quit forcing it on us.

Just face facts. The world is changing. Every bit of it. Guess what? I remember the days when gas was 95 cents a gallon too. And I'm 23 years old. Oh, you remember it at 50 cents a gallon? 25 cents a gallon? Well shame on you for living in the past. These "why me?" and "we're owed" attitudes displayed by a good many people in this country are as sickening as the volatile prices of energy, fuel and food.

The old days are dead and gone. The best way to "My dad worked everyday of his life but sucked it up and bared it without ever complaining," is to suck it up and bare it like the generations before us. The problems we face today are different than the ones in the past, but that shouldn't change the way we handle it. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can get back to enjoying your life...One two dollar movie at a time.