Thanks for the heads up, DEP

While perusing the PG today I run across this article in which the Department of Environmental Protection (DEP) has warned citizens that ash from a landslide contained the hazardous material arsenic.

That's all well and good, and it was nice of the Department to fill nearby residents in. If I lived there I'd definitely be interested in finding out some detrimental substance was creeping into my water supply. At the same time though, I'm not sure how happy it'd make me to find out three years later. Nice to see our regulatory agencies are really keeping on top of their game, isn't it?

On top of it all, the DEP managed to shift blame to "a power company and municipal authority." Thanks for the news guys, we appreciate it.

The Potent Stuff

I'm never one to analyze a cup of coffee. Certainly there are those who consider the deconstruction of a decaf a personal hobby. Different strokes, different folks. But here's an example of a collective mindset I just don't get:

Each morning I get to my desk, log on and then go downstairs for that first cup of coffee. Most days, I end up having to make a pot because the MIS guy who gets here at seven drinks an entire pot and leaves about two drops without making a new one. Not that I particularly care because it takes like 30 seconds, it's just one of those peccadilloes, I've used that word before....ummm...misdeeds, that make offices such goofy places to work.

Regardless, if you've not experienced it before, standing around waiting for a pot of coffee to brew is about as exciting as sitting through those human resource videos on orientation day. That's why I'll typically pull a dangerous yet exhilarating move. While the joe is pouring, I'll quickly whip the pot away and replace it with my cup.

Many times this move works, resulting in minimal spillage. It's also good for one of those awkward-conversations-with-passerby like "You must be feeling it today!" or the ever-popular "Hot off the presses!" One day, as I'm filling up, an IT consultant walks past and tells me he used to own a donut shop, and the coffee that comes out of the machine first is always the most potent, not to mention that I must really need it.

Apparently, people at my office really respect the ideals of a (former) donut shop proprietor. The awkward conversations of the past have turned into over-the-top warnings of impending giddiness and loss of inhibitions.

I'm still having trouble believing the first few drips are any stronger than the last few drips, but I appreciate everyones' conviction. Now, if you'll excuse me, someones car needs lifted.

"Rocket Fuel"

I Was In the Minors!!!

[pregame]

Coach: Here we go guys. Let's do it. You better win this game or you're all losers. I don't mean just losers like you lost a game. I mean like pathetic, no life, have-a-kid-when-you're-17 and gotta drop outta school and live in a trailer park losers.

Team: We always do our best, Coach!

Coach: Unfortunately your best isn't good enough. Hey, lead off batter...

Leadoff: Dad, it's me Ma...

Coach: You better get on base. And you better not strike out. If you do strike out, you better go down swinging. This team does not tolerate looking at strike three. You hear me?

Leadoff: Yea Dad, I get...

Coach: Don't call me Dad. I'm not your father. I'm your coach. Listen, I played minor league baseball when I was younger. I know baseball better than you know Pixar.

Assistant: That's right guys. Go out and give it your best. And remember, we're here to have fun!

Coach: Fun? Are you kidding me Gary? We are here to win and kick ass. Is that understood? Win. Kick ass. Gary, apparently you forget when I led our high school team in strike outs and home runs. Do you remember that, Gary? I was the toast of the town. Your parents wanted me as their son, not some washed up fatty who could barely make the throw from third to first. Maybe if you had had less 'fun,' you wouldn't be a lawyer who can't even make it to practice. You could have been the head coach of a little league baseball team.

Assistant: I don't know if that's the right attitude there Coach! These kids are young, let em play!

Coach: I guess I'm the only one here who has any idea of what baseball means. Does anyone remember who I am? I was in the minor leagues. And not just some semi-pro team. I was in Class A Salem before any of you were a glimpse in your parents' eyes. I know what it takes to succeed in this game you whiny brats....WHAT ARE YOU DOING JASON???

Jason: I just saw my mom walk in!!!

Coach: [puts Jason in headlock] I DON'T WANT YOU EVER LOOKING IN THOSE STANDS AGAIN. THIS IS MY TEAM AND MY FIELD. I AM LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL AND EVERYONE BETTER REALIZE IT OR NONE OF YOU ARE GONNA MAKE THIS TEAM NEXT YEAR!!! IS THAT UNDERSTOOD????

Jason: I'm not in the army!!!

Coach: YOU'RE IN MY ARRRRMMYYYYYY!!!!

Thank You Penguins

To say the NHL gained a fan over the past five months would be to underscore the sheer amazement and enjoyment I've experienced while watching the conclusion to the 2007-2008 season. Looking back, the small amount of blogging I have done in the past few months has been centered more around the Pens and their corresponding actions than anything else. In fact, it has been the main focus of my out-of-work life since roughly mid-January.

So, with pride, this is the last time I say: "Now I don't know enough to form an educated opinion about [hockey]..." I feel like through the course of the season and the extremely exciting playoffs I've picked up enough to be a somewhat educated hockey fan. Granted, some of the rules and terms still baffle me, but with time I hope to improve.

There's already been enough "I's" in this entry to make me puke. This one is deservedly sent out to our Pittsburgh Penguins, who have done their best in the past two years to not only make me realize what a truly great sport hockey is, but to inspire an entirely new generation of Pittsburgh hockey fans.

To hear the raucous ovation given to every Orpik bone-crusher, to every Crosby deke, each Malkin laser to the back of the net and the flashes of brilliance displayed with a Fleury glove save (and a beauty) makes the hair on the arms stand up and the heart race with an intensity not present anywhere else in my sports watching life.

The NHL season is grueling to say the least. To think I've been glued to my still not digitally upgraded television multiple nights a week since before the playoffs started shows that the game of hockey is not nearly as dead as some may think. You really form a relationship with your team as you see them crash the boards and raise the sticks each night. For as much as I was disappointed the Pens did not procure the oldest trophy of them all this year, I was equally as disappointed to see the season come to an end. Going into tonight, it became apparent that the most hockey there'd be to view until the fall were two games.

Sure, it's easy to poke fun at Mike Emrick. But the man endeared himself to me this post season. I certainly won't appreciate Jim Nantz's overly-judgmental attitude in the upcoming NFL season as I do Emrick's "Driiiiiive!" calls and his innate ability to make each and every second exciting just by his diction.

So, it's with this we leave the NHL season until next fall. Some wish the season would be shortened as to increase the excitement for each game. But I say let's start skating as soon as possible. Penguins, it was a hell of a season and you all deserve a standing ovation. Because, as it turns out, there's more to sports than waving a Terrible Towel. Thanks.