Here's to You, Disgusting White Crust on the Milk Jug

Here's to you, disgusting white crust on the milk jug. You're always there to flake off and gross me out on the rare occasion I open your container. Sure, I don't drink as much milk as a growing boy probably should. Is that enough reason to hate on me?

Take last night, for instance. Right after my mother prepared a deliciously chewy batch of brownies, I decided to wash them down with a nice cold glass of milk. After my first swig, there you were, floating around my mouth like a loose fingernail. I'm trying to drink milk, not eat soup in a Mexican restaurant.

This is hydration, not a Head and Shoulders commercial. So quit layering the top of my chocolate milk like curd at a dairy farm.