The Desk Jockey

Oh hey Case, this is your desk at work calling. Just thought I'd check in real quick today and see how things are going? Listen, I know we don't always get along that well. But that's no reason to randomly draw on me then spit-wash the ink off, is it? I've tried to be as good to you as I can. Remember the cross-office move we made back in April? That was pretty awesome. Carrie wanted you to use her old desk but you said no, because you prefer my lighter surface. You really do mean a lot to me, Casey.

What's the chance of getting that 80 pound monstrosity this place calls a computer monitor off my back man? They have flat-screens waiting downstairs but no one will install them? Seriously? Ech, this thing sucks. It was nice to get that pre-Jurassic phone outta here back in October wasn't it? Now we're rolling w/ the same phones they use on 'The Office' and 'House'. I feel so glam.

I'm really sorry I can't let you open more than one of my drawers at a time. My anatomy just wasn't built for that kind of use. But please, just be patient. Close one and open the other. It isn't a real big deal. Sure, sometimes you are in a hurry. But look at you today. You're sitting around looking for jobs and blogging. My lack of ability to have more than one drawer open at a time is not a blip in the grand scheme of things.

That box of chocolates sitting here looks delicious. Sometimes I wish I was human so I could try some of the delectable treats you leave on and in me throughout the course of a week. Oh, and those Saltines in the drawer there? Stale as hell, man. Don't even try them.

Ouch! Was that your knee that just slammed off the corner as you wheeled yourself in? That really hurt. I already told you, be patient! You have nine hours a day in this place, no need to be denting me up with your cartilage-filled knee. That's right, keep swearing. The cussing will really help the hematoma on your knee cap.

What the hell is going on in the back? Is that Chris tapping his feet in rhythm to the songs on his Ipod? What's he doing now, playing drums on his desk? Argh, the people in this office make me want to burn myself. ?

Anyway, I'm going to shut up now...I am a desk, after all. Oh, and if the mood ever strikes you, an occasional dust off would be much appreciated....

...Wait, what is that? Lysol?! No, don't do it. Arghuuuhhhh I can't breathe!! Stop cleaning, my allergies are worse than Fred's!!!